So, it was impossible to not share the dates of our IVF with our parents, especially my in-laws since my father-in-law is an anesthesiologist at the hospital I had my retrieval at. Totally fine, even though I keep things relatively quiet for the most part and when any of the ‘rents asked how things were going, a simple fine would suffice—during the cycle. Now things are getting tricky. My parents are fine, they live pretty far away from me and I can say that things are fine, and things are scary but I’m hanging in there. Then the conversation changes to baseball or the weather and all is well. My FIL is easy, too. I think because of the medical aspect of his life, he doesn’t pry and treats me the same as he did a year ago. I really appreciate that.
That brings us to my mother-in-law. (I’m sorry d-man, and if you don’t want to read on, I understand but I need to vent somewhere!)
I’ve always been completely different from my MIL, which is totally okay. She is a stay-at-home mom who is very much into typical girly-type things and will always have make-up on and look good. I drag myself home from work, immediately change into my sweats (I call them play clothes) and watch sportscenter or read. I’m not a complete tomboy, but I wonder if my PCOS plays a role in my lifestyle sometimes -read: testosterone levels!…but most of my friends are the same way so I'm thinking I'm cool.
So, since we found out that we were indeed positive (I use that p-word instead), I have been insanely scared and nervous. The last trip to Dr. God didn't help matters, but it's been difficult. I can't be happy right now because of that and although that does suck, it's the way it is. What makes it harder is my MIL and her reaction to all of this. This is going to sound nit-picky but she tends to look at me with this excited, caring-type of smile and I hate it. So, I don't really look at her and that's not good. She said at one point that this is the hardest secret that she's ever kept and I am truly worried that she has or will tell someone...it's almost as if she wants to tell people without telling them. We were out the other night at a dinner with 13 people for her birthday. The only people who "know" were me, d-man, FIL and her. At one point I went to move the table and chair and she was like "no, you can't touch that." Then she made a point to ask me if I wanted the ginger beer that they brought (everyone else had WINE)--from across the table. She asked if I could eat certain things (shellfish, etc) ALL in front of what seemed to me as many people as possible.
SO, do I think she's malicious? No. I just know that she doesn't understand where I am coming from. D-man said he had a long talk with her and she gets it now. That was before this party. Since then I have also gotten a text where she said I had a "glow"about me. THAT is the sweat on my brow from the insane nervousness. Then she asked if the saltines were helping because she gave me crackers....she thinks I am normal and there is nothing that I or d-man can say that will change that and it probably kills her as much as it does me. I am going to have to deal with it, though I can't avoid being around her forever (even alone). Well, hopefully in 33 or so weeks this will all be forgotten and I'll be complaining about how she keeps telling me how to raise my kid(s)!
Anyway, she is pushing me away more than bringing me close and I hope she gets it sooner than later.
No comments:
Post a Comment