I guess I should be sad but I'm calmer...

So, d-man and I went to see Dr. God yesterday for the almost 8 week ultrasound. After last weeks ridiculous I-don't-know-if-I-should-be-scared-or-not result, I was not going by myself and we set off for the 8am appointment together.

While in the waiting room, we saw a girl in tears hugging Dr. God (I call everyone a girl who looks my age, I say that because no one I have ever seen in the waiting room looks older than me) She left crying and we were called in next. The d-man was more nauseous than me yesterday, which is different.

We went in and the nurse I like set me up for the ultrasound. Dr. God came in and said hello and I of course said how nervous I was. He made a comment to d-man (who hates Dr. God) that he can't ever seem to calm me down. Really. Am I the ONLY crazy pregnant IVFer? I can't imagine that. So he showed us a fetus (not sure what stage we are in here) that looked, well, almost human, sort of. Saw the umbilical cord, heart beating (165 bpm) looked like a shape and not a black spot.... Then he showed us the other one, MUCH smaller and a heartbeat of 90 bpm. He basically said that one would be gone soon.

So, after trying not to get excited or think about ANYTHING related to raising a child, I am not sure what I feel about this. I did look at costs of raising twins and the risks of a twin pregnancy and the idea of doing this once was really nice. Now that I know one is pretty much dying, I am focusing on the good one. I feel like I have a better chance with one (doesn't make sense, I know) and that twins was insurance for just this circumstance. He said that women with PCOS (here we go again) tend to have "bad" embryos so he is glad we decided on three. {read about the transfer, if d-man didn't speak up, we wouldn't have even put three in!!!}

I'm still scared and probably won't tell people until the end of the year but the d-man says he went from hopeful to excited. getting there....slowly.....but surely