feeling good, so I am headed to the doc

Okay, last night was bad. Didn't help matters that the d-man is out of town. This week was going pretty well, at least at the beginning. I had no doubt that I would make it to next Friday and the ultrasound. For some reason, the universe or god or something had other plans.

Yesterday I felt pretty much okay, meaning not really sick at all. I didn't think too much about it (though I freaked out a bit after lunch when I realized I had Mexican cheese). After work I went to the store and started to feel tired so I though that was okay but then once I got home I was totally fine. I got online and started messaging a friend who knows everything about what we've been through. I was telling her how scared I am and everything. She has a beautiful 18 month old daughter so I'm sure her perspective is different. She was trying to make me feel better saying that she was nervous her whole pregnancy but that she tried not to focus on what she couldn't control and whatever happened happened. I know that. I do, but there is so much more weight here. Our savings is gone, I am almost DONE giving myself daily injections, we've come so FAR. I tried to refocus and went to bed.

That's when things got bad. D-man was not answering his phone. I knew where he was--he's on a mini vacation windsurfing with his dad and they were hanging with the neighbors down in the outer banks. I've been there, doing the same thing. The thing is, I really needed him to answer his phone. I was losing it the longer I stayed awake and I made the mistake of googling "loss of morning sickness." This is a reoccurring theme on my blog, here, I know, but I read AGAIN how it could mean the end of it. I finally text'd my father in law and after midnight got a call from d-man. He didn't have his phone, he felt really bad (that wasn't my intention, I just really needed to talk to him). So, when he's not windsurfing, he's going to have the phone on him.

So, now it's 8:24 am. I've emailed work and said I am not coming in because I was sick all night (not an untruth) and still am. I am going in for an ultrasound at 10:15. I already feel better that I am at least doing that, but it's going to be a long couple of hours in any case.