tired....

I'm tired. Really. It is directly related to being pregnant but not totally because I am pregnant. It's amazing how much stress this brings...or I am putting on myself, probably a bit of both. I thought about calling one of the 27 people that I told I would call, but I just don't have the energy. Typing isn't quite as strenuous. I guess I just feel like I have too much to do, and with so much going on around me, I CAN'T bitch about how I feel, because I just don't have time to do it.

First, work. I have a lot to do...and 2 weeks to do it. I can't complete some things until I get information from other people and sometimes that is the most frustrating thing. Plus, I feel like I have this deadline, but need to be prepared in case that deadline moves up. I have to teach my colleagues to do my job in the summer (thank GOD it's the summer...not as much going on in higher ed). It's becoming crunch time, so it's becoming stressful. I am doing something constantly! I did get a nice and unexpected shower at work. I was pretty surprised and it was great. Had to go back to doing more than I have time for afterwards but I guess I felt appreciated, so that was really good to see. I'm still overwhelmed, but I don't save lives.

Getting the house ready is the next thing. Thankfully this doesn't fall totally on me, though I feel like I am more nervous about getting everything ready than the d-man. I mean, we are putting the baby in our bedroom that is dusty and actually now has pollen on the dresser from blowing in the past few days. Plus the baby's room is now again full of unopened stuff. We got through most of the shower gifts but had to buy a lot of what we did not get and now THAT's sitting there...I got through the clothes, the gifts and the hand-me-downs. This is wear the frilly dresses come in. My SIL on d-man's side had nice stuff but also a ton of dresses. She said that I should remember that her mom gave her a lot of stuff (yes, my MIL) so be aware. It's a way to circumvent actually GIVING me the pink dresses, haha. I need to get this chick some jeans and sp0rty outfits. But anyway, most of the clothes are put away, washed first and filling up the dresser. It's the rest of the room that's the problem Plus, the house has an ant problem, I have to work ALL weekend and when I get home from work, I can't do anything comfortably. This includes sitting on the couch, but at least THAT doesn't really hurt. So I really need d-man to get at the dust bunnies under our bed and clean up....really. So, not sure if I can get it all done, especially since I have to be AT work so much. ugh.

Also as I said, so much going on around me that it's stressful. Other members of the fam are having marital issues, job issues, illness issues. I feel like we need to help everyone and I am jealous since I want people to just ask me how I feel and the both of us how ready we are. Also, one of my infertile friends is ignoring me. She lost her baby, and I understand...but it still hurts that I'm not getting a response from phone calls and emails, etc. I get it, but I am emotional about everything right now (everything...) so that doesn't help. I don't know what to do about it, either...

I'm hoping this isn't a rant, but really...tired, emotional. I mean, I could feel tears welling up in a meeting I ran this morning because someone challenged me. I am usually up for that! Well, as much as I want her to come out...it'll be nice to have at least a week to myself before she gets here. 2 more weeks of work!

less than a week....til the damn shower

So, I CAN'T be alone in saying that I am not a fan of baby showers. I've always said that I don't like bridal showers and the only thing worse is a baby shower. Why? well....it could be the ooohing and ahhing over all of the little clothes and as the guest of honor, the pretending that I like everything. It's VERY much like the bridal shower. I feel that women over 55 LOVE these things and just have to see the plates you registered for, get all excited about sheets, etc. The same goes for the baby shower but even more so because they absolutely adore babies. They only remember the good things about their own babies...30 years ago. Here's the thing about the gifts: styles liked by those in their 20s and 30s vary greatly between those of women in their 50s and 60s. I expect a lot of clothing that I will not put on my daughter, and lots of blankets that I won't use. I've checked (they make it really easy now) my registries and there is a LOT of stuff left! I am visualizing pink frilly dresses and prissy little outfits that I wouldn't dare put on her. I mean, we bought a onzie today that had a darth vader head on it. (and another that says "my mommy doesn't want your advice" that will cause some angry stares by the very women who will BE at my shower). I am praying for receipts so we can actually go and get the stuff we want or need...

The other part of it is that it is hosted by my mother-in-law who is super excited about it. I mean, like I said, women over 55 LOVE it! She is also very much into etiquette and how things are supposed to be so this will be very much what I don't like about showers.....that's okay. I can pretend I like pink dresses (though I totally regret sharing that info with people now). I didn't get much say in the shower, but that would have caused problems anyway (I would have like to have been able to have my friends kids there...since a couple asked) But it is nice, not cheap I'm sure, and should get us some of the things we need, so....I can do it!

getting real....

Okay, so we got the furniture in yesterday and it looks awesome! Okay, so I totally bawled my eyes out when I went in there and sat in the glider. Not sure why, exactly but I had to leave the room. I guess it's partly because I am so happy, partly because of everything it took to get here. It's just very overwhelming. It's not bad, it's just a lot. I do hope I don't cry every time I got in there because that will make decorating pretty hellish.

Well, anyway, I saw the furniture all in place since I have been away for a few days for work. I surprised many of my colleagues that I see only a few times a year with the pregnancy. I definitely got the "you look great" a few times. I mean, I feel absolutely huge, so when people say that, I find it odd. Everyone was very nice and made a point to say good luck and congrats...well, all the women did and a lot of the men. I didn't know if anyone would say anything, so it was nice. I also got to hear about how some of the women were able to handle (successfully) their kids and their careers. The baby was super active during the meetings. I guess she was as bored as I was....