tired....

I'm tired. Really. It is directly related to being pregnant but not totally because I am pregnant. It's amazing how much stress this brings...or I am putting on myself, probably a bit of both. I thought about calling one of the 27 people that I told I would call, but I just don't have the energy. Typing isn't quite as strenuous. I guess I just feel like I have too much to do, and with so much going on around me, I CAN'T bitch about how I feel, because I just don't have time to do it.

First, work. I have a lot to do...and 2 weeks to do it. I can't complete some things until I get information from other people and sometimes that is the most frustrating thing. Plus, I feel like I have this deadline, but need to be prepared in case that deadline moves up. I have to teach my colleagues to do my job in the summer (thank GOD it's the summer...not as much going on in higher ed). It's becoming crunch time, so it's becoming stressful. I am doing something constantly! I did get a nice and unexpected shower at work. I was pretty surprised and it was great. Had to go back to doing more than I have time for afterwards but I guess I felt appreciated, so that was really good to see. I'm still overwhelmed, but I don't save lives.

Getting the house ready is the next thing. Thankfully this doesn't fall totally on me, though I feel like I am more nervous about getting everything ready than the d-man. I mean, we are putting the baby in our bedroom that is dusty and actually now has pollen on the dresser from blowing in the past few days. Plus the baby's room is now again full of unopened stuff. We got through most of the shower gifts but had to buy a lot of what we did not get and now THAT's sitting there...I got through the clothes, the gifts and the hand-me-downs. This is wear the frilly dresses come in. My SIL on d-man's side had nice stuff but also a ton of dresses. She said that I should remember that her mom gave her a lot of stuff (yes, my MIL) so be aware. It's a way to circumvent actually GIVING me the pink dresses, haha. I need to get this chick some jeans and sp0rty outfits. But anyway, most of the clothes are put away, washed first and filling up the dresser. It's the rest of the room that's the problem Plus, the house has an ant problem, I have to work ALL weekend and when I get home from work, I can't do anything comfortably. This includes sitting on the couch, but at least THAT doesn't really hurt. So I really need d-man to get at the dust bunnies under our bed and clean up....really. So, not sure if I can get it all done, especially since I have to be AT work so much. ugh.

Also as I said, so much going on around me that it's stressful. Other members of the fam are having marital issues, job issues, illness issues. I feel like we need to help everyone and I am jealous since I want people to just ask me how I feel and the both of us how ready we are. Also, one of my infertile friends is ignoring me. She lost her baby, and I understand...but it still hurts that I'm not getting a response from phone calls and emails, etc. I get it, but I am emotional about everything right now (everything...) so that doesn't help. I don't know what to do about it, either...

I'm hoping this isn't a rant, but really...tired, emotional. I mean, I could feel tears welling up in a meeting I ran this morning because someone challenged me. I am usually up for that! Well, as much as I want her to come out...it'll be nice to have at least a week to myself before she gets here. 2 more weeks of work!