I didn't go to nursing school!!!!

I am not a nurse, not a doctor, not a heroin addict. So, when I freak out about giving myself an injection, I'd say that's pretty normal. The last time I did IVF, the drugs were all pre-mixed. Well, one wasn't but that was one night and to be honest, the d-man did it because it was the trigger shot.
This time I am using Bravelle, which has to be mixed. It's in powder form and you mix it with sodium chloride. At first I thought that was difficult enough. I had to suck out the water right, inject it into the powder, then move half of that mixture to another powder because my dose was all crazy. I figured I had that down tonight, but there were bubbles in the syringe. and I somehow got some of it to shoot out onto the counter. Rather than going crazy, I depressed the syringe and shot it all out into the sink. This cost about $300. Plus I probably put some local kids into early puberty but I didn't know what else to do.
Try number two......I started out much better, slower. I injected the now half mix into the new powder and the dose was perfect. However, when I tried to pull it back into the new syringe (must have all new everything so nothing gets contaminated, right?)there was another friggin air bubble. Only this one seemed much worse. I tapped and tapped, and TAPPED the damn thing but nothing was happening. It was like an air pocket. I put it down and started to freak out a bit.
I called a friend of mine and convinced myself it was a vacuum and not air.
I went back and started to inject it, just up until the air bubble. I stopped and took it out. AND noticed I only actually injected like half of it, maybe a bit more, I don't know. I was bleeding, too, of course. of COURSE! There goes another $150 and some poor girls childhood.

The fact that this is something I have to do is f'ing nuts! I'll be a patient but being the nurse too is not cool. ugh, it amazes me how I can endure shots, since I used to be afraid of needles but now I am more upset about reconstitution of drugs and doing the injections. Funny how things change....stay tuned.