waiting for the fasten seatbelt sign to go off

Not to bring up the movie Say Anything again but it totally describes where I'm at right now. I mean, I haven't watched it in a long time and it isn't one I quote constantly like Ghostbusters or something (Where do these stairs go? They go up!). However, the last scene in that movie is my life right now. I'll describe, if I can. Lloyd Daubler and girl (Jennifer Connelly--see I haven't seen it in a while) are on a plane and it's a big step. She's never been on a plane before and she's pretty scared. Lloyd, who has the perfect thing to say throughout the movie, said that all she has to do is wait for the "fasten seat belt" light to go off, and when she hears a "ding," they are safe and on their way. It's pretty apropos for me right now.

So, we are 5 weeks 5 days. In some calculations, we'd be 6 weeks and a day, but Dr. God measures it from transfer day, not retrieval day. In any case, the time is moving insanely slow. I had another appointment yesterday and had a ultrasound. The cool thing, that I could even get excited about because I am probably more scared than Jennifer Connelly, is the little heartbeats that he showed me. I mean, the picture is hard to make out anything, but all the right things were on there for the two little sacs. Of course, he throws out there that there is still a possibility that the other one is hiding somewhere....great. Don't friggin say that. He also said that he must monitor my right ovary because he's not sure why it's bigger than the other one (to clarify...one is a baseball and one is one of those little league softballs) in case the embryo shot up there. And THEN he asks me why I am so worried?!

Why am I so worried...I of course was like, well, you just said THAT, but also, and I said this, "I mean, it took so long to get here, we've gone through so much and I am terrified of it going away." He was like, "I understand, but there is no need to worry. I am not worried (the nurse said he was being thorough...). Just relax." Right.

So, I feel like I am sitting in that airplane seat, staring at the fasten seat belt sign, hoping for the ding to come soon. I'll never be able to actually take the seatbelt off, because I'm going to be anxious the whole time, but once I hear the ding, I'll breathe a little easier.