Home....

So, it's my first day as a housewife. I am not a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) yet, since even though this kid is right HERE, she's not here yet. I do not like this and I've already checked my work email twice. I've gone grocery shopping, cleaned out my car, picked up the dining room and now I am playing online. I'm glad I am home, though, because I'm not exactly comfortable and I am peeing constantly.

The plan for today is to vacuum a bit, clean downstairs what I can, pack the bag, and start the damn thank-you cards. No, this is not nesting, just what I do when I am not at work. Also, I am anal about planning and being prepared for anything, so that's what I am doing, for the most part. I want to get things done so I can read up on labor and babies and everything (there's that preparedness thing again). I wanted to do that on the patio but the on and off showers all week are literally putting a damper on that.

In addition, I have a lunch planned with my SIL, MIL, BIL and his fiance, and hopefully d-man will come. That's tomorrow and the doctor is on Wednesday. After that...I really need it to stop raining! OR, she can be born, that would be fine with me. I guess I just keep walking and doing yoga. Not sure what else to do and of course I am freaking out that she'll be late and therefore huge (and therefore extra painful especially in the recovery..or need a c-section). But, due date has not yet arrived, so I am just going to try to relax.

I did get yet another exciting end of pregnancy symptom...charlie horse. Now, I've had these before, lots of times. I've even pulled my calf running...twice and pretty badly. BUT, this was amazingly painful. F-bombs flowing at 3am. All I could think of was how labor will be worse and that scared me of course. Who knows, though? Anyway, it still hurts and I need to stretch before I walk everyday. This, and I haven't been to the gym in like two months.

So....perhaps I can keep up with the blog, but I can't imagine I'll have any exciting reports until she gets here. She wants to come out alien style, I think....since she pushes that way all the time and refuses to drop down.

Well, guess I'd better get to work....

pain in the ass

Okay so I am icing my ass...and I have been fantasizing about doing it all day. The final days (God I hope) of pregnancy are initiating me, I think. I have a hemorrhoid, and I hope it stays one. Yes, I am sure that number will grow when I actually push this kid out, but I'll deal with that when I have to. Since I am sure there will be more than just a hemorrhoid to deal with (and I'll have drugs), it'll be a whole different experience. The thing is, though, this hurts like a mother. Yes, I realize labor will be worse, BUT I can yell and swear and well, I'll be in labor, so it's expected. Right now, at work, I have to act like all is well. People are constantly asking me how I am doing and of course I say "hanging in there" with a smile. Can't really say...."well, the hemorrhoid is kicking my ass and preparation H is a bullshit product." Nope, can't do that. I do have a reputation to uphold, here.

So, aside from right when I get up and actually go for a walk, I am walking like an old woman. I am to the point where I curse everything when I drop something (keys, phone, whatever). It's interesting.

So, anyway...went to the doc yesterday and I was told I had a stubborn cervix, meaning nothing is happening, well, except for all that swelling. There is no dropping going on and all those other signs are eluding me as well. So, as much as I want this to happen, I just have a feeling it will be later than sooner. Of course, I am hoping that isn't the case, but....man I HATE having no control. Kind of a theme with this blog.

commercial.......

First of all, I gotta say that when I saw this commercial on tv, I cried. LOVED IT!!!!! I had the same reaction the first time I saw it on you tube, too. Take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Pampers?blend=1&ob=5#p/u/6/OxbRdxbBROI

I mean, the references to howEVER the baby gets here and how it doesn't matter made me feel great. There is a huge company (who is yes, selling diapers, but appease me here) who sees so many other points of view that I felt legitimized, no matter what the church says.

Then I read the comments. It always brings me back to reality. Most seemed to be nice, but then there were the ones that pissed me off. First of all the abortion people---one said this was propaganda by the pro-lifers since there was a preggers woman in a wedding dress. Seriously? People are REACHING to get their OWN agenda out there. Of course there was the woman who commented on the opposite end, or had to agree with that. I just saw it as someone who probably didn't plan it but was having a baby anyway (her choice, just saying....). But then there was of course one that went into how wrong IVF was--unnatural! (though I was still so happy how prominent it was in the commercial) and how you should just adopt. People who are not in the situation are so friggin ignorant. I won't get into that but there is a lot that has to happen emotionally before you even get to the adoption thing, and THEN you need about 20k, so just adopting, is a big deal.

But anyway....I'm going to still love this ad, and the diapers we get will be the best bang for the buck, regardless of where they are made. So, it didn't do what it wanted necessarily for me, but I am a fan of pampers without giving them money...hahaha.

tired....

I'm tired. Really. It is directly related to being pregnant but not totally because I am pregnant. It's amazing how much stress this brings...or I am putting on myself, probably a bit of both. I thought about calling one of the 27 people that I told I would call, but I just don't have the energy. Typing isn't quite as strenuous. I guess I just feel like I have too much to do, and with so much going on around me, I CAN'T bitch about how I feel, because I just don't have time to do it.

First, work. I have a lot to do...and 2 weeks to do it. I can't complete some things until I get information from other people and sometimes that is the most frustrating thing. Plus, I feel like I have this deadline, but need to be prepared in case that deadline moves up. I have to teach my colleagues to do my job in the summer (thank GOD it's the summer...not as much going on in higher ed). It's becoming crunch time, so it's becoming stressful. I am doing something constantly! I did get a nice and unexpected shower at work. I was pretty surprised and it was great. Had to go back to doing more than I have time for afterwards but I guess I felt appreciated, so that was really good to see. I'm still overwhelmed, but I don't save lives.

Getting the house ready is the next thing. Thankfully this doesn't fall totally on me, though I feel like I am more nervous about getting everything ready than the d-man. I mean, we are putting the baby in our bedroom that is dusty and actually now has pollen on the dresser from blowing in the past few days. Plus the baby's room is now again full of unopened stuff. We got through most of the shower gifts but had to buy a lot of what we did not get and now THAT's sitting there...I got through the clothes, the gifts and the hand-me-downs. This is wear the frilly dresses come in. My SIL on d-man's side had nice stuff but also a ton of dresses. She said that I should remember that her mom gave her a lot of stuff (yes, my MIL) so be aware. It's a way to circumvent actually GIVING me the pink dresses, haha. I need to get this chick some jeans and sp0rty outfits. But anyway, most of the clothes are put away, washed first and filling up the dresser. It's the rest of the room that's the problem Plus, the house has an ant problem, I have to work ALL weekend and when I get home from work, I can't do anything comfortably. This includes sitting on the couch, but at least THAT doesn't really hurt. So I really need d-man to get at the dust bunnies under our bed and clean up....really. So, not sure if I can get it all done, especially since I have to be AT work so much. ugh.

Also as I said, so much going on around me that it's stressful. Other members of the fam are having marital issues, job issues, illness issues. I feel like we need to help everyone and I am jealous since I want people to just ask me how I feel and the both of us how ready we are. Also, one of my infertile friends is ignoring me. She lost her baby, and I understand...but it still hurts that I'm not getting a response from phone calls and emails, etc. I get it, but I am emotional about everything right now (everything...) so that doesn't help. I don't know what to do about it, either...

I'm hoping this isn't a rant, but really...tired, emotional. I mean, I could feel tears welling up in a meeting I ran this morning because someone challenged me. I am usually up for that! Well, as much as I want her to come out...it'll be nice to have at least a week to myself before she gets here. 2 more weeks of work!

less than a week....til the damn shower

So, I CAN'T be alone in saying that I am not a fan of baby showers. I've always said that I don't like bridal showers and the only thing worse is a baby shower. Why? well....it could be the ooohing and ahhing over all of the little clothes and as the guest of honor, the pretending that I like everything. It's VERY much like the bridal shower. I feel that women over 55 LOVE these things and just have to see the plates you registered for, get all excited about sheets, etc. The same goes for the baby shower but even more so because they absolutely adore babies. They only remember the good things about their own babies...30 years ago. Here's the thing about the gifts: styles liked by those in their 20s and 30s vary greatly between those of women in their 50s and 60s. I expect a lot of clothing that I will not put on my daughter, and lots of blankets that I won't use. I've checked (they make it really easy now) my registries and there is a LOT of stuff left! I am visualizing pink frilly dresses and prissy little outfits that I wouldn't dare put on her. I mean, we bought a onzie today that had a darth vader head on it. (and another that says "my mommy doesn't want your advice" that will cause some angry stares by the very women who will BE at my shower). I am praying for receipts so we can actually go and get the stuff we want or need...

The other part of it is that it is hosted by my mother-in-law who is super excited about it. I mean, like I said, women over 55 LOVE it! She is also very much into etiquette and how things are supposed to be so this will be very much what I don't like about showers.....that's okay. I can pretend I like pink dresses (though I totally regret sharing that info with people now). I didn't get much say in the shower, but that would have caused problems anyway (I would have like to have been able to have my friends kids there...since a couple asked) But it is nice, not cheap I'm sure, and should get us some of the things we need, so....I can do it!

getting real....

Okay, so we got the furniture in yesterday and it looks awesome! Okay, so I totally bawled my eyes out when I went in there and sat in the glider. Not sure why, exactly but I had to leave the room. I guess it's partly because I am so happy, partly because of everything it took to get here. It's just very overwhelming. It's not bad, it's just a lot. I do hope I don't cry every time I got in there because that will make decorating pretty hellish.

Well, anyway, I saw the furniture all in place since I have been away for a few days for work. I surprised many of my colleagues that I see only a few times a year with the pregnancy. I definitely got the "you look great" a few times. I mean, I feel absolutely huge, so when people say that, I find it odd. Everyone was very nice and made a point to say good luck and congrats...well, all the women did and a lot of the men. I didn't know if anyone would say anything, so it was nice. I also got to hear about how some of the women were able to handle (successfully) their kids and their careers. The baby was super active during the meetings. I guess she was as bored as I was....

small world...

So, we went to a breastfeeding class this evening, which was significantly overwhelming to me, but that's not where I am going with this.... At the class was the Indian couple that was one of the other two that were there the day we did our retrieval and transfer. They are having twin boys! AND, they told us that the other couple got pregnant, too! I guess Dr. God was on his game that day. Also, if he put the wrong embryo in one of us, well, we can just trade.

Anyway, it was nice to see others who succeeded. They told us that they had tried with a different doctor prior to Dr. God and it was $20,000 for ONE try. Damn....see, I knew that Dr. God had some good qualities. hahaha.

So, the breastfeeding thing...well, the d-man is ALL into it. I am too, but seriously nervous about the whole thing, from latching on to storing it in the fridge. I'm pretty smart, or was before I hit the third trimester, so I'm sure with the d-man's help, we'll figure it out.