pain in the ass

Okay so I am icing my ass...and I have been fantasizing about doing it all day. The final days (God I hope) of pregnancy are initiating me, I think. I have a hemorrhoid, and I hope it stays one. Yes, I am sure that number will grow when I actually push this kid out, but I'll deal with that when I have to. Since I am sure there will be more than just a hemorrhoid to deal with (and I'll have drugs), it'll be a whole different experience. The thing is, though, this hurts like a mother. Yes, I realize labor will be worse, BUT I can yell and swear and well, I'll be in labor, so it's expected. Right now, at work, I have to act like all is well. People are constantly asking me how I am doing and of course I say "hanging in there" with a smile. Can't really say...."well, the hemorrhoid is kicking my ass and preparation H is a bullshit product." Nope, can't do that. I do have a reputation to uphold, here.

So, aside from right when I get up and actually go for a walk, I am walking like an old woman. I am to the point where I curse everything when I drop something (keys, phone, whatever). It's interesting.

So, anyway...went to the doc yesterday and I was told I had a stubborn cervix, meaning nothing is happening, well, except for all that swelling. There is no dropping going on and all those other signs are eluding me as well. So, as much as I want this to happen, I just have a feeling it will be later than sooner. Of course, I am hoping that isn't the case, but....man I HATE having no control. Kind of a theme with this blog.