So, it's been over a month. I feel like I am neglecting my rambling self. So, I am almost 23 weeks which, if you are doing the math, is over half way to 40 weeks. I feel huge. I also don't feel the baby too much. This scares me, but I am assured it is because the placenta is in the front. I feel slight movements but nothing like last time. Of course, I don't know when that got to be annoying, like I could see her pushing me, so maybe I'm cool. This girl (oh, yeah, found that one out) is much different.
I'm finding that this time, I am super tired. I remember being super tired last time, but taking care of baby A and being huge and pregnant, makes me well, really super tired. I think I am also stressing my self out a bit because I am not getting the house as clean as I want or need. I am getting mad at D-man because he is doing other things and not getting the house clean. I am not sure why that bothers me but I just know that I feel better when it's clean. I think, what I need is a day off...a day to pamper myself (and maybe clean the house). Problem is, I can't take too many days off because I need to save them for when the baby comes....Ah America and our wonderful maternity leave.
So, anyway, this is SUMMER. I need to de-stress. July will be better....I know it.
Now, just need to get ready for the next baby. ugh.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
MIL making things hard...
So, this is most definitely a venting sort of post. I apologize for the irrelevance but at the same time, I think it’s pretty relevant since it all comes back to my kids. Anyway, I went on another bad vacation, which seems to happen too often to me. Unless it’s just me and the d-man…and A.
We went to the outer banks in NC, where we took baby A in October as well. At that point, it was the three of us and my FIL. I windsurfed a bit, the men, lots, and we went to the beach, had a decent time. This time, d-man and FIL begged my MIL to come. I admittedly, had no desire for this to begin with, but it wasn’t really my deal. We don’t have the best relationship being that we are complete opposites. It has been d-man’s goal to get us to be friends, but as much as I try to not feel uncomfortable around her, she puts a lot of pressure on me to be someone I’m not, and I don’t respond well to that. HOWEVER, we had recently gone shopping for baby A and things were as good as they ever were…
We heard early on that she hated it down there. We were meeting them and she already was having a horrible time. She has back pain, so that was part of it, but she went down thinking it was going to be awful. I, on the other hand, was actually looking forward to it…on the beach, getting a tan, etc. Being preggo again, windsurfing was out but I would bike ride, kayak maybe. BUT, the weather took some of that away. It was cold-ish, windy, and rainy. This was actually good for windsurfing, so the boys were cool. MIL was going to the beach with A, come hell or high water. It was seriously windy and I knew that would make for a crappy trip. We went anyway, the first day there. It was me, A, and the MIL. Short trip to the beach with painful whipping sand. I think MIL thought it was the first time A went to the beach for some reason, so she really wanted to be the one to take her but she’s actually been to like 4 beaches…in less than a year of life. Nice life. Our shopping trip after that wasn’t too bad. MIL bought A a toy, we looked around a bit and went back. After that, I don’t know where things went bad, but they did.
Now, I was prepared for the constant, “you should be doing this with her at this stage,” and “all babies do X at this stage” stuff. Unsolicited advice is her specialty. (note, this never comes out with d-man, even though we share all child-rearing and both work full time) However, it was pretty evident that she had no desire to talk to me. She spoke baby talk to A almost exclusively. She sang to her constantly as well, almost as if she had to do it because I was such a horrible mother who put A in a corner when I was alone with her. I was also used to the comments about her not having shoes on, or wearing something too big, or whatever else is “wrong.” I’m also use to her being passive aggressive in general, as my own mom is pretty good at that. But one particular insult still bothers me, and may be the reason I felt the need to vent. A was playing with a piece of fabric that was tied like a do-rag. At one point she put her “hat” on her head and MIL said to her, “so you ARE going to be a girl…” Now, I am a professional woman. I was a tomboy and still am to some extent. I play sports, actually I work in sports as an administrator. I hate wearing make-up when not going out on the town or to work, and I’d prefer going to a baseball game over the ballet any day. These things do not make me not a girl. I know that MIL is terrified of A turning out like me. She constantly buys her prissy clothes and dresses that are too nice for daycare, and since she doesn’t walk yet, not really appropriate to wear anyway. Anyway, I didn’t comment, I chalked it up to her being her usual insulting self, but as I brought it up to a couple of other people, they were shocked. My daughter is a beautiful little girl, and has been since birth. MIL’s idea of what is “right” and where one’s place is doesn’t bother me, when it’s just in her head. BUT, if it’s going to be put out there, I have a problem with that.
After this I tried to avoid her. I went on a bike ride in the wind and rain while she watched A, so I could get out of there. Thankfully, MIL and FIL took A back to the beach so d-man and I could hang out another morning. As much as I wanted to be with A, I couldn’t be up with MIL. This will be an ongoing problem. Since A’s birth, MIL has put out her hands when we come over. It’s like, once we are in her presence, SHE is the caretaker. She once asked if I could watch A while she left the room. As I mentioned, I work full time so my time with A is important to me. I lose time with her when we go over there, and I hate that.
But anyway, other things that were annoying were all of us at a dinner party with other windsurfers. MIL had no desire to hang out with athletic people, but she went. I complimented the host on his vegetable dish. Her response was that A would like it. After dinner, I was drying wine glasses while another guest washed. MIL came over, grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry the glasses I just dried. I apparently can’t do this task well enough. At one point, she handed bottles that she had washed to me, went up to her room to get them during the dinner party, and when I got up to mingle, she brought them over to me and gave me the dirtiest look ever, for leaving them on the table.
She has always said that I’m such a good mother, doing a great job with A, and she loves me so much. Total bullshit.
D-man is beginning to understand sort of. He says, “I’m sorry you hate my mom,” waiting for me to say that I don’t we are just different. I just wish he would say, “I’m sorry my mom is hurtful to you….”
Side note: The woman who we rent the space from has a son and daughter in law who did IVF around the same time as us. They are surprise pregnant too. I am becoming a believer there….I think the BEST treatment for infertility is having a baby. That part may be an issue, but if you can get there, it seems to help.
We went to the outer banks in NC, where we took baby A in October as well. At that point, it was the three of us and my FIL. I windsurfed a bit, the men, lots, and we went to the beach, had a decent time. This time, d-man and FIL begged my MIL to come. I admittedly, had no desire for this to begin with, but it wasn’t really my deal. We don’t have the best relationship being that we are complete opposites. It has been d-man’s goal to get us to be friends, but as much as I try to not feel uncomfortable around her, she puts a lot of pressure on me to be someone I’m not, and I don’t respond well to that. HOWEVER, we had recently gone shopping for baby A and things were as good as they ever were…
We heard early on that she hated it down there. We were meeting them and she already was having a horrible time. She has back pain, so that was part of it, but she went down thinking it was going to be awful. I, on the other hand, was actually looking forward to it…on the beach, getting a tan, etc. Being preggo again, windsurfing was out but I would bike ride, kayak maybe. BUT, the weather took some of that away. It was cold-ish, windy, and rainy. This was actually good for windsurfing, so the boys were cool. MIL was going to the beach with A, come hell or high water. It was seriously windy and I knew that would make for a crappy trip. We went anyway, the first day there. It was me, A, and the MIL. Short trip to the beach with painful whipping sand. I think MIL thought it was the first time A went to the beach for some reason, so she really wanted to be the one to take her but she’s actually been to like 4 beaches…in less than a year of life. Nice life. Our shopping trip after that wasn’t too bad. MIL bought A a toy, we looked around a bit and went back. After that, I don’t know where things went bad, but they did.
Now, I was prepared for the constant, “you should be doing this with her at this stage,” and “all babies do X at this stage” stuff. Unsolicited advice is her specialty. (note, this never comes out with d-man, even though we share all child-rearing and both work full time) However, it was pretty evident that she had no desire to talk to me. She spoke baby talk to A almost exclusively. She sang to her constantly as well, almost as if she had to do it because I was such a horrible mother who put A in a corner when I was alone with her. I was also used to the comments about her not having shoes on, or wearing something too big, or whatever else is “wrong.” I’m also use to her being passive aggressive in general, as my own mom is pretty good at that. But one particular insult still bothers me, and may be the reason I felt the need to vent. A was playing with a piece of fabric that was tied like a do-rag. At one point she put her “hat” on her head and MIL said to her, “so you ARE going to be a girl…” Now, I am a professional woman. I was a tomboy and still am to some extent. I play sports, actually I work in sports as an administrator. I hate wearing make-up when not going out on the town or to work, and I’d prefer going to a baseball game over the ballet any day. These things do not make me not a girl. I know that MIL is terrified of A turning out like me. She constantly buys her prissy clothes and dresses that are too nice for daycare, and since she doesn’t walk yet, not really appropriate to wear anyway. Anyway, I didn’t comment, I chalked it up to her being her usual insulting self, but as I brought it up to a couple of other people, they were shocked. My daughter is a beautiful little girl, and has been since birth. MIL’s idea of what is “right” and where one’s place is doesn’t bother me, when it’s just in her head. BUT, if it’s going to be put out there, I have a problem with that.
After this I tried to avoid her. I went on a bike ride in the wind and rain while she watched A, so I could get out of there. Thankfully, MIL and FIL took A back to the beach so d-man and I could hang out another morning. As much as I wanted to be with A, I couldn’t be up with MIL. This will be an ongoing problem. Since A’s birth, MIL has put out her hands when we come over. It’s like, once we are in her presence, SHE is the caretaker. She once asked if I could watch A while she left the room. As I mentioned, I work full time so my time with A is important to me. I lose time with her when we go over there, and I hate that.
But anyway, other things that were annoying were all of us at a dinner party with other windsurfers. MIL had no desire to hang out with athletic people, but she went. I complimented the host on his vegetable dish. Her response was that A would like it. After dinner, I was drying wine glasses while another guest washed. MIL came over, grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry the glasses I just dried. I apparently can’t do this task well enough. At one point, she handed bottles that she had washed to me, went up to her room to get them during the dinner party, and when I got up to mingle, she brought them over to me and gave me the dirtiest look ever, for leaving them on the table.
She has always said that I’m such a good mother, doing a great job with A, and she loves me so much. Total bullshit.
D-man is beginning to understand sort of. He says, “I’m sorry you hate my mom,” waiting for me to say that I don’t we are just different. I just wish he would say, “I’m sorry my mom is hurtful to you….”
Side note: The woman who we rent the space from has a son and daughter in law who did IVF around the same time as us. They are surprise pregnant too. I am becoming a believer there….I think the BEST treatment for infertility is having a baby. That part may be an issue, but if you can get there, it seems to help.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
moving right along...
So, we've had a series of illnesses here in our household. I, well, I was sick constantly, but one day just couldn't keep anything down. soooo fun. I missed two days of work and lost 4 pounds. I was actually lighter than I had been since having A. BUT, with a gut. So, there's that. Anyway, d-man got sick after that and then A. She apparently has picked up hand, foot, and mouth disease from daycare. She is going to get EVERYTHING from daycare. Tough kid. Frustratingly stubborn, too. She doesn't like to eat real food. She's lazy. God forbid she has to put a banana or chicken into her mouth. What the hell, she HAS teeth. We don't want to continue with the baby food, but sometimes, that's all we got. Of course with this new disease, she isn't eating much of anything.
Anyway, so I told my buddy at the gym of the impending baby, since I hadn't been there in a while. The whole nausea thing makes that not so inviting. He told the whole class and the teachers of the class so everyone I come in contact with at the gym now knows. I also told my boss, but I want to wait until after the next appointment for anyone else. I'm still nervous. I mean, I feel better which scares me. I mean, I don't like feeling sick but at least I knew I was pregnant. It's friggin nerve wracking. I have accepted that I cannot have a margarita on cinco de mayo. I'm still pissed I can't go biking this summer. I'm working on it....
Anyway, so I told my buddy at the gym of the impending baby, since I hadn't been there in a while. The whole nausea thing makes that not so inviting. He told the whole class and the teachers of the class so everyone I come in contact with at the gym now knows. I also told my boss, but I want to wait until after the next appointment for anyone else. I'm still nervous. I mean, I feel better which scares me. I mean, I don't like feeling sick but at least I knew I was pregnant. It's friggin nerve wracking. I have accepted that I cannot have a margarita on cinco de mayo. I'm still pissed I can't go biking this summer. I'm working on it....
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Happy Easter!
So, we told the fam last Sunday, hopefully not prematurely, since the first screening test is in a couple days. I honestly didn’t really want to tell anyone. I don’t know why, but I didn’t find this an exciting thing. But, I had to put a date out there for the d-man since he DID want the world to know. We settled for Easter Sunday before really knowing what we were doing, but figuring we’d be at the in-laws (my in-laws). Easter Sunday became Easter Saturday due to my FIL having to work on Sunday.
So…we waited until everyone was there, which wasn’t until we were ready to eat dinner, really. D-man just kind of interrupted everyone and said, “K’s pregnant.” Just like that. Now…okay, I knew my MIL would have some crazy reaction, and she did. She shrieked and kissed me like eight times. Super Uncomfortable since my family is quite different but whatever. She did also ask why I took a test, did I feel sick? Really? I said, no the usual reason one takes a pregnancy test. Side note….even though baby A is almost 11 months old, so I am 11 months into this parenthood thing, she actually asked me if I could watch baby A while she left the room at some point on Sunday. Good lord, I wonder how two is going to be? We also got the “I knew sorta because you weren’t drinking” from everyone. Really? I’m usually two sheets to the wind on Easter Sunday? Apparently.
For my family, it was all phone calls, except my little brother who we told on a visit to see him in Florida. I wasn’t drinking so….oh, wait, I guess I am a lush. Anyway, the others were happy and surprised but nothing too crazy. I think my older brother was the most shocked as the whole previous IVF thing and now this just didn’t compute. Well, he’s not the only one…
So, cat is out of the family bag. Not so much with the rest of the world, and I am really nervous about the screening tests. I am also running through my head how to organize my life in late fall, typically a very busy time at work.
But, I can honestly say that I am at least still pregnant. I feel like shit every night. I am usually kind of sick throughout the day and when I am not concentrating on something, it’s worse. So, yea. I do hope that goes away as it is supposed to in a couple weeks. I am not a nausea fan.
Friday, March 30, 2012
"So, I hear you're pregnant." These are the exact words I heard two weeks ago when I was meeting some old college friends on the old campus with the families. Now, this wasn't a good friend and she was referring to the fact that the last time I saw her, I wasn't even pregnant with baby A. D-man looked like a deer in headlights. He really didn't think her comment was funny at all.
So, we were at a loss for words for a bit because we had not told anyone but a couple friends and my little brother (we were in vacation visiting him and I wasn't drinking...it was easier that way). The thing is, that hasn't changed. I don't know, I guess I am hiding it, I mean I know I am hiding it, but I don't know why. I am so afraid of something bad happening and having to deal with people KNOWING that, that I would rather wait. It's completely the same feeling as last time. I may be more scared this time, because I was drunk a few times and had raw tuna and advil. At the same time, I have no desire to rent a doplar. But, I know I am still pregnant because I feel awful. I am sick every day. This is new. Typically, I am feeling seriously nauseous after dinner through the evening. Although this morning I felt kinda sick, too, which made the gym difficult. I read today that higher levels of nausea could mean a girl....d-man will be upset. He keeps referring to to it as "little man."
Well, we will let the cat out of the bag at Easter...I'll be 11 weeks. I am a week less that I had originally thought. That's good because one of the times I know I had too many beers was BEFORE then....and oddly d-man is certain he knows when it happened. He's right, mathematically speaking. Pushing the due date later is better for work, so I hope that sticks.
Anyway...I am really trying to push through this being sick thing. It is not fun. I get to travel for work next week and have another(!) event at night on Wednesday, so I hope I make it!
So, we were at a loss for words for a bit because we had not told anyone but a couple friends and my little brother (we were in vacation visiting him and I wasn't drinking...it was easier that way). The thing is, that hasn't changed. I don't know, I guess I am hiding it, I mean I know I am hiding it, but I don't know why. I am so afraid of something bad happening and having to deal with people KNOWING that, that I would rather wait. It's completely the same feeling as last time. I may be more scared this time, because I was drunk a few times and had raw tuna and advil. At the same time, I have no desire to rent a doplar. But, I know I am still pregnant because I feel awful. I am sick every day. This is new. Typically, I am feeling seriously nauseous after dinner through the evening. Although this morning I felt kinda sick, too, which made the gym difficult. I read today that higher levels of nausea could mean a girl....d-man will be upset. He keeps referring to to it as "little man."
Well, we will let the cat out of the bag at Easter...I'll be 11 weeks. I am a week less that I had originally thought. That's good because one of the times I know I had too many beers was BEFORE then....and oddly d-man is certain he knows when it happened. He's right, mathematically speaking. Pushing the due date later is better for work, so I hope that sticks.
Anyway...I am really trying to push through this being sick thing. It is not fun. I get to travel for work next week and have another(!) event at night on Wednesday, so I hope I make it!
Monday, March 19, 2012
what I am thinking??
So, how do I feel now….? Well, I’ll be honest, I’m not ready to be pregnant again so soon. Selfishly, I wanted this summer to get in shape, get on my bike (with my new helmet), play on the softball team at the Y, have some Margarita’s and hang with my husband and daughter. So, honestly, I’m not looking forward to being uncomfortable, unable to do much, dry, and even fatter. But, I don’t want to say that, because if something happens, then it is my fault, right?
This is what I wanted….in a year and a half, but I can’t control that.
So there are a lot of other things going through my head right now. Are we ready for another newborn? Damn, that was hard. I mean, the sleep thing and the feeding thing and the worrying thing. Also, can we afford it? Well, yes, but now we need to buy a new car as well as the house. These are things we needed anyway, but there are in our face now. The car has to happen soon, and the house I think of longingly…..Also, I don’t want people to now buy into that “you just relaxed…” or “you weren’t thinking about it” bullshit. It’s all the rage and it really irks me. I wasn’t completely NOT thinking about it and having Baby A gave me an actual menstrual cycle, so it’s not like this is too farfetched. Of course even my OB said I am like that happy infertility story that people love to hear. Perhaps, but I don’t want to be the false hope chick, either.
But I am of course, still thinking the worst. Just like last time but without the bi-weekly ultrasounds. I do have one tomorrow to verify that I am actually pregnant and check the age. I know it is early. I keep telling myself that. I also keep reading awful stories of women who had ultrasounds and found out that their babies had those crazy diseases or were going to die in the womb and had to go through hell to get an abortion(thanks Tea Party bastards) . Ugh. So, that’s on my mind. That’s why I don’t want to tell like anyone right now.
It is so weird, that I have to accept the thing that I was so longing for a year and a half ago.
This is what I wanted….in a year and a half, but I can’t control that.
So there are a lot of other things going through my head right now. Are we ready for another newborn? Damn, that was hard. I mean, the sleep thing and the feeding thing and the worrying thing. Also, can we afford it? Well, yes, but now we need to buy a new car as well as the house. These are things we needed anyway, but there are in our face now. The car has to happen soon, and the house I think of longingly…..Also, I don’t want people to now buy into that “you just relaxed…” or “you weren’t thinking about it” bullshit. It’s all the rage and it really irks me. I wasn’t completely NOT thinking about it and having Baby A gave me an actual menstrual cycle, so it’s not like this is too farfetched. Of course even my OB said I am like that happy infertility story that people love to hear. Perhaps, but I don’t want to be the false hope chick, either.
But I am of course, still thinking the worst. Just like last time but without the bi-weekly ultrasounds. I do have one tomorrow to verify that I am actually pregnant and check the age. I know it is early. I keep telling myself that. I also keep reading awful stories of women who had ultrasounds and found out that their babies had those crazy diseases or were going to die in the womb and had to go through hell to get an abortion(thanks Tea Party bastards) . Ugh. So, that’s on my mind. That’s why I don’t want to tell like anyone right now.
It is so weird, that I have to accept the thing that I was so longing for a year and a half ago.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
for real now
Okay, so I called the doctor's office. Yes, it was positive but after five tests on my own, I kinda figured as much. Now I wait to go to my first appointment next week. At that point I'll be eight and a half weeks. Hopefully I can get it together here. I keep eating crap i.e., sugar, I haven't been to the gym in three days (yes that is actually a long time for me) and I still can't seem to believe this. I tried to order a steamer at Starbucks and ended up with some frozen vanilla concoction. More sugar and I didn't mean this one. I don't consider this behavior crazy; I haven't succumbed to many shamrock shakes or anything but I need to get healthy. I have no problem staying away from booze and I "gave it up for lent." Of course, if I get into any conversations about the pope's stance on IVF no one will buy that.
Anyway, I am rambling. I feel like I am in limbo. I need a doctor to say to my face that I am pregnant. I need to feel it. I haven't felt nauseous since Saturday, so that freaks me out too. At least last time I was bloated as all hell. Now I don't feel any different. I'm really scared that this won't last or I did something to mess it up. It really is a gift and if I did something when I didn't know, I blew it.
I'll just wait and see, and see the response of my doc on Thursday. Starting now......less sugar.
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