MIL making things hard...

So, this is most definitely a venting sort of post. I apologize for the irrelevance but at the same time, I think it’s pretty relevant since it all comes back to my kids. Anyway, I went on another bad vacation, which seems to happen too often to me. Unless it’s just me and the d-man…and A.


We went to the outer banks in NC, where we took baby A in October as well. At that point, it was the three of us and my FIL. I windsurfed a bit, the men, lots, and we went to the beach, had a decent time. This time, d-man and FIL begged my MIL to come. I admittedly, had no desire for this to begin with, but it wasn’t really my deal. We don’t have the best relationship being that we are complete opposites. It has been d-man’s goal to get us to be friends, but as much as I try to not feel uncomfortable around her, she puts a lot of pressure on me to be someone I’m not, and I don’t respond well to that. HOWEVER, we had recently gone shopping for baby A and things were as good as they ever were…

We heard early on that she hated it down there. We were meeting them and she already was having a horrible time. She has back pain, so that was part of it, but she went down thinking it was going to be awful. I, on the other hand, was actually looking forward to it…on the beach, getting a tan, etc. Being preggo again, windsurfing was out but I would bike ride, kayak maybe. BUT, the weather took some of that away. It was cold-ish, windy, and rainy. This was actually good for windsurfing, so the boys were cool. MIL was going to the beach with A, come hell or high water. It was seriously windy and I knew that would make for a crappy trip. We went anyway, the first day there. It was me, A, and the MIL. Short trip to the beach with painful whipping sand. I think MIL thought it was the first time A went to the beach for some reason, so she really wanted to be the one to take her but she’s actually been to like 4 beaches…in less than a year of life. Nice life. Our shopping trip after that wasn’t too bad. MIL bought A a toy, we looked around a bit and went back. After that, I don’t know where things went bad, but they did.

Now, I was prepared for the constant, “you should be doing this with her at this stage,” and “all babies do X at this stage” stuff. Unsolicited advice is her specialty. (note, this never comes out with d-man, even though we share all child-rearing and both work full time) However, it was pretty evident that she had no desire to talk to me. She spoke baby talk to A almost exclusively. She sang to her constantly as well, almost as if she had to do it because I was such a horrible mother who put A in a corner when I was alone with her. I was also used to the comments about her not having shoes on, or wearing something too big, or whatever else is “wrong.” I’m also use to her being passive aggressive in general, as my own mom is pretty good at that. But one particular insult still bothers me, and may be the reason I felt the need to vent. A was playing with a piece of fabric that was tied like a do-rag. At one point she put her “hat” on her head and MIL said to her, “so you ARE going to be a girl…” Now, I am a professional woman. I was a tomboy and still am to some extent. I play sports, actually I work in sports as an administrator. I hate wearing make-up when not going out on the town or to work, and I’d prefer going to a baseball game over the ballet any day. These things do not make me not a girl. I know that MIL is terrified of A turning out like me. She constantly buys her prissy clothes and dresses that are too nice for daycare, and since she doesn’t walk yet, not really appropriate to wear anyway. Anyway, I didn’t comment, I chalked it up to her being her usual insulting self, but as I brought it up to a couple of other people, they were shocked. My daughter is a beautiful little girl, and has been since birth. MIL’s idea of what is “right” and where one’s place is doesn’t bother me, when it’s just in her head. BUT, if it’s going to be put out there, I have a problem with that.

After this I tried to avoid her. I went on a bike ride in the wind and rain while she watched A, so I could get out of there. Thankfully, MIL and FIL took A back to the beach so d-man and I could hang out another morning. As much as I wanted to be with A, I couldn’t be up with MIL. This will be an ongoing problem. Since A’s birth, MIL has put out her hands when we come over. It’s like, once we are in her presence, SHE is the caretaker. She once asked if I could watch A while she left the room. As I mentioned, I work full time so my time with A is important to me. I lose time with her when we go over there, and I hate that.

But anyway, other things that were annoying were all of us at a dinner party with other windsurfers. MIL had no desire to hang out with athletic people, but she went. I complimented the host on his vegetable dish. Her response was that A would like it. After dinner, I was drying wine glasses while another guest washed. MIL came over, grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry the glasses I just dried. I apparently can’t do this task well enough. At one point, she handed bottles that she had washed to me, went up to her room to get them during the dinner party, and when I got up to mingle, she brought them over to me and gave me the dirtiest look ever, for leaving them on the table.

She has always said that I’m such a good mother, doing a great job with A, and she loves me so much. Total bullshit.

D-man is beginning to understand sort of. He says, “I’m sorry you hate my mom,” waiting for me to say that I don’t we are just different. I just wish he would say, “I’m sorry my mom is hurtful to you….”

Side note: The woman who we rent the space from has a son and daughter in law who did IVF around the same time as us. They are surprise pregnant too. I am becoming a believer there….I think the BEST treatment for infertility is having a baby. That part may be an issue, but if you can get there, it seems to help.