less than four months to go....seems long...

So...I am still supposed to feel good, but I've accepted the fact that it ain't happening. So now I am counting down and trying to figure out ways to make myself feel better. The other side of this..baby prep on the consumer side is coming along fine, with the MIL being a constant struggle, but I'm up for the challenge.

My biggest problem is my rib pain. I've read online that it's common, my doctor said my intestines are getting shoved up there and that can cause pain. Well, at some point everyday, usually around lunch, or after I eat, I get the pain in my back. I feel it in the front, under my left boob, but it actually hurts in the back. All the websites say to sit up straight, do yoga, but there isn't too much you can do...sitting up straight, doesn't work. BUT, if I lean back, I'm okay. Work is a challenge, but I just look like I'm relaxing at my desk. Yoga I plan to get to, but the only prenatal class around here is on Wednesdays, which have been snow and ice covered for the past few weeks...
As for the commonality of this...I know no one who even knows what I am talking about. One person I work with said she felt it with one of her kids one time. great. My mom said she blessed me with a short torso and that may be part of the problem. My MIL didn't really understand, which is kind of normal for her (if she didn't or doesn't experience it, she has a hard time accepting it). I have no one to bitch to about it! I do have one friend who went to a chiropractor because of back pain in her pregnancy, but I don't think that will help me. I'll ask the doc next time what else I can do.

The other stuff...registry, baby's room...it's getting done. I'm happy with it. My MIL is constantly emailing and "helping." We were over there yesterday and before I could say hi she had a magazine in my face of the rug that we "should" buy. The thing is, aside from the fact that all the stuff she shows us is way out of our price range, the more she pushes the less likely I am to even want to get it, just because she wants us to. ugh, I don't know....we did buy a rug, bigger and $400 cheaper. We are NOT made of money and our savings made this kid so...we are kinda trying to conserve. I AM grateful that my in-laws and my parents are going to help out with the stuff. The shower will help (if I can make it to that without going off). Basically, she's overwhelming. I usually just at some point get to the ignoring stage. I don't want to have the d-man say anything so I think that works out better. She backs off, for a while.

I am SURE this will carry on to the parenting advice, and I'm sure that will come at us from ALL angles and lots of different people. So, I see this as a warm-up. And a learning experience....

Dr. visit number 2....

I went to the doc on Monday. I didn't really know what to expect and thought it would be short but it was record timing.

I see the doctor (well, eventually three different ones) at the hospital with Dr. God, my GP, and where my FIL works. Also, it's pretty close....BUT in not so nice an area. Scary, actually.

I went to the waiting room and it is pretty shabby looking (this doesn't make me happy, but I DO like the doctor) There are people in there who are local. This ain't no suburban hospital. Oddly, Dr. God's office upstairs is super nice....I think I had mentioned before that when you don't take insurance, you tend to make more money??? yep. Anyway, I got right in and got the BP taken, which was perfect, according the nurse, peed in a cup (and I really don't know what for, but that seemed to work out alright, too), and got weighed.....

Okay, up four pounds in four weeks. They say that's "normal" BUT I started out in the overweight range, according to my BMI. I am trying/hoping to not gain more than 25 pounds. um...may push that a little since I have 17 weeks and only 11 pounds to play with. I'll try to keep it under 30. I really don't want a fat kid with weight problems. She already has our genes to deal with...

When the doc came in, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if he was going to check me out or what? He just measured my uterus, which he said was perfect. Of course my latest worry is that my cervix will weaken and I'll lose the baby. That's the last line of defense right now, so I have to be crazy about something. He didn't check it, I guess he won't. So, I'll just keep on worrying.

He also said to notice the movements (uh, I do) and see how I want to start counting them. After 28 weeks I have to either compare them to the previous day to make sure she's moving consistently, or actually chart them. Of course now that I have to pay attention I feel like she's moving less. I'm a bit paranoid. Wonder where that comes from???

So, overall good appointment. I have the glucose test soon and I hope the BP stays where it is and I don't swell up (I'm also terrified of pre-eclampsia).

Now, if I could just stop the ribs from feeling like they are on fire for most of the day.....

big shopping weekend...with MIL

So.....in the great tradition of this blog, I must talk about the overwhelming mother-in-law. Let me back up, though.

This past weekend, I had planned to go to Babies R Us to register with my sister in law. We've had our differences in the past but I think we get along fine, and I've always had a good relationship with my brother. My niece, her youngest, is four, so she hasn't been out of the game too long and I figured it would be good to go with someone not too far removed from all of the gadgets of motherhood.

It was great. She showed me to the big stuff, what I would really need, took things out and checked on ease of use, use of space, all of that. She shared advice that she got and showed me what I should get that she ended up buying herself. We were there for like two and a half hours and my poor niece was stuck in the shopping cart making drawings of her family.

I specifically didn't share with my MIL when we were going to do this. Going with her would not be the best day for me. Her baby advice is 25 years old (d-man's brother is 25). Plus, she already has this push of everything that her daughter does, uses, thinks is great...on me. It's annoying but I have to suck it up, and here's why....

We went shopping for a crib and dresser on Sunday. MIL had said that she wanted to buy us a crib (well, my in-laws, but FIL didn't come), which is awesome. We went to a store with really nice furniture. I made sure d-man was coming along. I liked the store a lot. She ended up buying both the crib and the dresser, and now I feel like we are in her debt a bit, which frustrates me. At least she didn't push the white crib she sent me in an email. (I HATE white bedroom furniture....her daughter of course has that). I made the mistake of saying we should stop by Babies R Us to look at bedding...since d-man was with us, we were in that mode. Well, not the best idea by me.

I looked with d-man and we didn't get anywhere with the bedding, but I figured I'd show them what we had registered for since we were there. That was fine, but then she wanted to look at other things....and started telling me that I needed this and that, and I had to register for what she thought was right. One thing that stuck out was the swaddling blankets that she said I should get since her daughter had them. I registered for the basically ready to go, just stick the baby in it swaddler thing and her comment was, "well, d-man can use that but you can use this..it's better." First of all, why is it better, and second of all, what makes her think d-man won't be able to do it and more importantly that I will be?? I've never done it! I think the last time I changed a diaper I put it on the wrong way (my poor nephew...who is now 8).

The other part of the day that was annoying was as we were leaving when she started saying how I'll be calling her asking her to come over ALL THE TIME, that I will need help and she'll be right there with all the answers. Um, no, maybe on occasion, but I am NOT MY SISTER IN LAW! (who totally does that, d-man's sisters both do, and one doesn't have any kids). AND, I have a mom. I actually may call her, go figure.

to be continued with this one....

Honeymoon trimester? Seems like BS to me...

I've read that I am supposed to feel much of the following in the 2nd trimester:

-good
-not tired
-horny (for lack of a better word)
-not having to pee every 20 minutes
-not that big
-not nauseous
-more flexible
-able to feel kicking

Of those....well, I don't feel sick. I feel her moving around at times, but only from the inside so that's not really as reassuring as it could be (could be something I ate everyday).

What I REALLY feel:

-fat
-tired
-huge
-not horny
-frustrated with my clothing options (whoever thinks that whole panel thing was a good idea is a moron)
-the need to pee ALL THE TIME (which, in reality, is not THAT different from my non-pregnant life, though I haven't slept through the night since August)
-emotional
-heartburn
-rib pain

This seems like more negative than positive, and I don't think I am, necessarily.

Now, the sex thing has me pissed off, and I am sure the d-man as well. I know that will be off the table for a while after the baby but I'm not that into it. I know the uncomfortableness of my body has a lot to do with it, so maybe I need to work on that, but I keep getting the shaft in the hormone department! Or not getting it...(sorry it just came to me....and I could comment on the comment but I won't)

Perhaps this "honeymoon trimester" is based on the whole picture. I'm sure it is, which makes me so not excited about the third trimester. Of course, I am constantly worried about what can go wrong, what IS wrong, that I will fall on my face and therefore my stomach, that someone will punch me in the stomach (not sure where that fear comes from), that I ate something wrong and Listeria is just around the corner....

Well, someone I know was talking about someone who got pregnant after years of infertility and she was saying how this particular woman was complaining about pregnancy. Her statement was she should just be happy she got there since she complained so much about NOT being pregnant. SO....I should let her know that it isn't fun regardless of how you get there, and everyone has the right to complain. Actually, it feels like I am normal for a change....uncomfortable, but normal.

Anatomically Correct

This morning was the 20 week scan. So, hopefully due to the clever title, you have figured out that it went well. The scan itself was I guess pretty normal. Everything measured about 20 weeks and like five days, and we have a new due date of May 20th (which makes sense since that is a Friday and retrieval day was a Friday). The coolest thing was seeing the spine. It was almost the only thing that I could actually make out well. I was totally spoiled by the 90 thousand dollar ultrasound in Dr. God's office.

Of course it can't be without drama, though....we left a little later than I wanted. Not too much, but I tend to freak out when I am late and traffic sucked and was upset. The d-man was in one of his famous funks, so therefore not talkative. We got up there and the receptionist asked if we had our AFT (I think?) bloodwork taken. Never heard of it....our doctor is supposed to have us do that around 15-16 weeks. Well, due to our f'd up situation, I didn't get to my doctor until 19 weeks. I honestly think, though, that my OB thought we'd be getting bloodwork this morning. In the end, we got a script for the bloodwork and I am going tomorrow morning. The funny thing is that my OB called me to apologize this morning. I mean, he did kinda screw it up, but I did looked pissed this morning. We both did.

Anyway, we sent the pics of our little baby girl (or half-way to her) to the families and the d-man's mom called him almost crying. I got a voicemail too. Everyone was happy and I couldn't understand why. The d-man seems to think it's because it's the first time we really shared any of this with them. That's kinda true. Maybe this is the beginning of a new era.

you got me feeling emotion...

Okay so I never had any side effects from all the hormones I injected into my stomach and ass. I laughed at those weak women who couldn't handle their clomid, with their stories of crying and yelling at their husbands. Mere child's play. I therefore, assumed that my own hormones would not cause me any issues. I now think I may have been wrong with that.

Of course, I will need support from the d-man with this, even though I do know that lately I have been both a bit overly dramatic and maybe well, sad. The odd thing is that I've been getting upset about going through the whole IVF thing. I am going back to pity and it probably mixes with fear a little bit, but first I was crying because I couldn't get pregnant and now I am crying because I could? What the hell?

The other thing is my reaction to things. Normally I'd be pissed off or upset and now it's just enhanced. I don't think d-man really gets it, but he's beginning to. Well, crying in front of him helps. NOT doing it to be manipulative, I swear. I couldn't not do it and it felt like it was justified. That's kinda what bothers me a bit.

SO, this gets worse, right? sweet.