Grasping at....confidence?

So, I should comment on the fact that it's been over 100 degrees for the past two days and isn't getting cooler for another few days, but why? This is really the hottest summer of my life for so many reasons.
Well, there are a few things I do when its this hot. One, is hang in the A/C. The other, lately, is hang in the pool. It was sooo nice over the weekend, actually felt pretty cool, surprisingly. It is nice to be able to head over to the in-laws and jump in the pool, even though it IS the in-laws. The other thing that they have over there is a hammock. On Saturday night, the d-man and I were laying in it after everyone had gone to bed. We were looking at the stars (and the satellites) and of course I was thinking about "IT." I don't care how much I do things, travel, live my summer, I think about this every day. I wonder if it will work, though I am confident. I think about what I will feel if it doesn't or if it does and then I miscarry. I think about if it doesn't at all and what the hell are we gonna do then? I think about twins. I think about if all three embryos stick and the choices we have to make then...
The d-man, who reads me like a book, asked me what I was thinking about. My answer was just "what do you think??" He then said to me that he wonders if Dr. God is grasping at straws. Now, Dr. God has me on the Lupron right now, and then will do higher doses of stims, and I'll be taking Viagra (for my lining-I've read about that one). Then we were talking about this whole thing is just grasping at straws, and a big crap shoot, and you never know what's going to happen. Of course that upset me to no end. At which time the d-man said that Dr. God was probably more confident than grasping...probably to make me feel better, but I think it's gotta be both.
I'm grasping, that's for sure....but I am going to force confidence on myself.