So yesterday was our anniversary. It was somewhat anticlimactic considering we are in the middle of stims. That, and we can't afford anything. We got each other t-shirts (the second is the cotton anniversary). We DID, however go to an overpriced restaurant that I wanted to try. When I say too much butter, that's an understatement. It was ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, it was good, but wow. I felt totally bloated and gross the rest of the night. I still feel that way. I can't imagine that the butter is still affecting me so I am going to say that it has to be the Bravelle.
I went in for bloodwork and an unltrasound yesterday and will go back tomorrow. They said that I'd feel worse in the next few days (yep) and that the trigger would be Wednesday and the retrieval would be Friday. Thank GOD! Work-wise, any other day would have been bad (so I hope things don't change tomorrow). I'm feeling like I just want Friday to get here...not sure if the bloat will go away, it's due to my now 15 follicles, but here we go!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
still stimming.....
I can't believe that I am giving myself another shot of Bravelle tonight. I mean, I've been at this for almost two weeks! I guess I am getting antsy. I am definitely better at mixing it and injecting it at this point, though I still always have that small hesitation and "I can't believe I am sticking a needle in my stomach" moment.
Dr. God said the 11 or so follicles I have look good, that's what he wants. The D-man swears that Dr. God had said he wanted more when we first talked about this round, but I don't know. They all look the same size, which is good, and they are growing bigger. I'm so worried about none to freeze. I realize the frosties as they call them, is a back up plan, but just having that is nice...they could also be siblings!
I think I am starting to feel something...not softball sized ovaries or anything but something. I wonder if that's in my head, since the doc said I'd probably feel it by the next appointment (tomorrow morning).
So...Wed..or thursday, or friday.....which conflicts with work of course, but it's gonna happen again here. It's bizarre, so freaking bizarre, to even have to do this, but I'm all in. I feel different, seasoned or something, but still scared out of my mind. I have to trust, even though Dr. God is way full of himself. So, here I am, ready to shoot up again tonight, and see where the week goes!
Dr. God said the 11 or so follicles I have look good, that's what he wants. The D-man swears that Dr. God had said he wanted more when we first talked about this round, but I don't know. They all look the same size, which is good, and they are growing bigger. I'm so worried about none to freeze. I realize the frosties as they call them, is a back up plan, but just having that is nice...they could also be siblings!
I think I am starting to feel something...not softball sized ovaries or anything but something. I wonder if that's in my head, since the doc said I'd probably feel it by the next appointment (tomorrow morning).
So...Wed..or thursday, or friday.....which conflicts with work of course, but it's gonna happen again here. It's bizarre, so freaking bizarre, to even have to do this, but I'm all in. I feel different, seasoned or something, but still scared out of my mind. I have to trust, even though Dr. God is way full of himself. So, here I am, ready to shoot up again tonight, and see where the week goes!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
my new friends...
So, I had dinner with one of my infertile friends tonight. How awful does that sound? I've got categories of friends now. I mean I've had the "high school friends" and the "college friends" and the "work friends" and whatever but now the categories are the supportive friends, the not supportive friends and the infertile friends. Thank god for some support, and damn the not supportive friends but the infertiles, that's a whole new type. Our connection? Obviously, infertility, going through treatments, understanding getting upset when seeing a baby..
So, it's a new type of connection, we can talk about all things infertility and not hold back because we wonder what someone will think or if it will offend someone. It was the beginning of the friendship and only after hanging out some do we really learn that we have absolutely nothing else in common, and that's totally fine! It's actually nice to venture out.
The big hope and also the big fear is when one of us gets (and stays) pregnant. Do we stay friends? How does it work? The infertile friend I ate with tonight actually got a positive the other day. I see that as hopeful. There is no jealousy there, more respect for going through IVF and landing on the other side.
Only time will tell how the infertile relationships go, and also if I can remain friends with the "non-supporters" who were once some of my best friends.
I truly believe that some people enter your life at certain times to help you through things. Perhaps there are also people who just aren't supposed to be there for you, but don't go away. I don't know...it's all too deep! I do know that support is there, just the form at times changes.
So, it's a new type of connection, we can talk about all things infertility and not hold back because we wonder what someone will think or if it will offend someone. It was the beginning of the friendship and only after hanging out some do we really learn that we have absolutely nothing else in common, and that's totally fine! It's actually nice to venture out.
The big hope and also the big fear is when one of us gets (and stays) pregnant. Do we stay friends? How does it work? The infertile friend I ate with tonight actually got a positive the other day. I see that as hopeful. There is no jealousy there, more respect for going through IVF and landing on the other side.
Only time will tell how the infertile relationships go, and also if I can remain friends with the "non-supporters" who were once some of my best friends.
I truly believe that some people enter your life at certain times to help you through things. Perhaps there are also people who just aren't supposed to be there for you, but don't go away. I don't know...it's all too deep! I do know that support is there, just the form at times changes.
Monday, August 16, 2010
stims day # 7
Okay, it's been a week and I don't yet feel any different. Last time I was totally bloated around this time and when they told me not to work out, I was actually okay with it. Now I am just....grrrr. The mixing of the new drugs gives me anxiety. But I am also anxious that things aren't progressing?? I mean, I was on the Lupron Depot so I wouldn't start with too many follicles. I guess that's what this feels like. He did say my lining was thin...I don't like to hear that. Got an appointment tomorrow so more on that later!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I didn't go to nursing school!!!!
I am not a nurse, not a doctor, not a heroin addict. So, when I freak out about giving myself an injection, I'd say that's pretty normal. The last time I did IVF, the drugs were all pre-mixed. Well, one wasn't but that was one night and to be honest, the d-man did it because it was the trigger shot.
This time I am using Bravelle, which has to be mixed. It's in powder form and you mix it with sodium chloride. At first I thought that was difficult enough. I had to suck out the water right, inject it into the powder, then move half of that mixture to another powder because my dose was all crazy. I figured I had that down tonight, but there were bubbles in the syringe. and I somehow got some of it to shoot out onto the counter. Rather than going crazy, I depressed the syringe and shot it all out into the sink. This cost about $300. Plus I probably put some local kids into early puberty but I didn't know what else to do.
Try number two......I started out much better, slower. I injected the now half mix into the new powder and the dose was perfect. However, when I tried to pull it back into the new syringe (must have all new everything so nothing gets contaminated, right?)there was another friggin air bubble. Only this one seemed much worse. I tapped and tapped, and TAPPED the damn thing but nothing was happening. It was like an air pocket. I put it down and started to freak out a bit.
I called a friend of mine and convinced myself it was a vacuum and not air.
I went back and started to inject it, just up until the air bubble. I stopped and took it out. AND noticed I only actually injected like half of it, maybe a bit more, I don't know. I was bleeding, too, of course. of COURSE! There goes another $150 and some poor girls childhood.
The fact that this is something I have to do is f'ing nuts! I'll be a patient but being the nurse too is not cool. ugh, it amazes me how I can endure shots, since I used to be afraid of needles but now I am more upset about reconstitution of drugs and doing the injections. Funny how things change....stay tuned.
This time I am using Bravelle, which has to be mixed. It's in powder form and you mix it with sodium chloride. At first I thought that was difficult enough. I had to suck out the water right, inject it into the powder, then move half of that mixture to another powder because my dose was all crazy. I figured I had that down tonight, but there were bubbles in the syringe. and I somehow got some of it to shoot out onto the counter. Rather than going crazy, I depressed the syringe and shot it all out into the sink. This cost about $300. Plus I probably put some local kids into early puberty but I didn't know what else to do.
Try number two......I started out much better, slower. I injected the now half mix into the new powder and the dose was perfect. However, when I tried to pull it back into the new syringe (must have all new everything so nothing gets contaminated, right?)there was another friggin air bubble. Only this one seemed much worse. I tapped and tapped, and TAPPED the damn thing but nothing was happening. It was like an air pocket. I put it down and started to freak out a bit.
I called a friend of mine and convinced myself it was a vacuum and not air.
I went back and started to inject it, just up until the air bubble. I stopped and took it out. AND noticed I only actually injected like half of it, maybe a bit more, I don't know. I was bleeding, too, of course. of COURSE! There goes another $150 and some poor girls childhood.
The fact that this is something I have to do is f'ing nuts! I'll be a patient but being the nurse too is not cool. ugh, it amazes me how I can endure shots, since I used to be afraid of needles but now I am more upset about reconstitution of drugs and doing the injections. Funny how things change....stay tuned.
my personal babymoon
I've been talking about this vacation for a while so I should mention it, right? In the past month I've had two car accidents, major ongoing drama with the insurance company, a failed reunion with high school "friends," a finding of nodules on my thyroid (turned out okay), and another work pregnancy announcement.
BUT, the six days and five nights I was in the Dominican Republic were awe...sommmme. It was like the other stuff wasn't even happening. Oh, sure there were at least two pregnant staff and I saw like five or six babymooners, but that DIDN'T EVEN MATTER!! We actually JOKED about it!!! ha!
We spent our days on the beach with someone coming to our cabana every 25-30 minutes asking us what kind of drink we wanted. We played tennis, hit the gym, sailed a bit, went horseback riding, swam, had romantic evenings beginning with dinner....it put our honeymoon to shame. That, my friends, was a vacation!
Reality has hit hard, but I have the memories!!!
We have started stims....here we go!
BUT, the six days and five nights I was in the Dominican Republic were awe...sommmme. It was like the other stuff wasn't even happening. Oh, sure there were at least two pregnant staff and I saw like five or six babymooners, but that DIDN'T EVEN MATTER!! We actually JOKED about it!!! ha!
We spent our days on the beach with someone coming to our cabana every 25-30 minutes asking us what kind of drink we wanted. We played tennis, hit the gym, sailed a bit, went horseback riding, swam, had romantic evenings beginning with dinner....it put our honeymoon to shame. That, my friends, was a vacation!
Reality has hit hard, but I have the memories!!!
We have started stims....here we go!
worse than baby story?
There is a show called "Pregnant and..." Not sure if it's on Discovery or TLC or what but it's about odd situations like pregnant and in prison, pregnant and 3 foot 2, pregnant and a man, whatever. Are you f'ing kidding me? THESE people have no problem reproducing. How about NOT pregnant and 33 and married with a stable income? Not as exciting, maybe???
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